


Ficlet Collection (Nandor/Guillermo)

by Andian



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Ficlet Collection, M/M, See Chapters For Additional Tags/Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29967951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andian/pseuds/Andian
Summary: A collection of short one-shots (less than 1,000 words) for Guillermo/Nandor.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Hell's Cooking

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for this was "Occult Cooking".

„This is a very important vampire dish,” Nandor said, nodding gravely. “The recipe has been passed down since the first vampires, refined and improved over millennials. Humans cannot possible grasp just how much sweat and blood has been put into creating this.”  
  
“Mostly we’ve put blood into it,” Nadja said, turning towards the camera. “It’s very delicious.”  
  
“Except for that one time back in 1736 when somebody put sardines into it cause it was the cool new thing young vampires did,” Laszlo chipped in. “Damn hipsters,” he grumbled.  
  
“Anyway,” Nandor said loudly, clearly displeased at the interruption. “We have gathered here today to prepare another batch of this most ancient and delicious dish. Cause _somebody_ threw away the one we made back in 1874.”  
  
“I said, I’m sorry, master,” Guillermo mumbled.  
  
“Yes, but you being sorry will not bring it back, will it? It was a very good batch. We really got the virgin blood and even more virgin blood ratio down on that one.”  
  
Without looking at Guillermo, Nandor reached out his hand towards him.  
  
“Talking about virgins, Guillermo. The first ingredient. The extra virgin virgin blood!”  
  
“Well,” Guillermo began. “You didn’t really explain how some blood can be more virgin than others in the first place and-“  
  
“I do not care for your excuses,” Nandor interrupted him. “Only for your blood. I mean the blood you have. That you got from somebody else. Your blood that is not yours.”  
  
“So the LARPing group is having a winter pause at the moment and I’m not going back to those internet forums any time soon so, uh, I got this…?”  
  
Rummaging around in a paper bag, Guillermo pulled out a blood donation bag. “It was a bit hard to get,” he said, half to Nandor, half to the camera. “I am potentially now banned from ever entering any Blood Donation Center in the state of New York again.”  
  
“Not very traditional,” Nadja said, critically eyeing the plastic bag.  
  
“As long as it’s virgin blood,” Nandor said. Turning towards Guillermo he said. “You are sure it is virgin blood, right?”  
  
Even though the room was only dimly lit by a few candles, Guillermo’s face turning several shades redder was very noticeable.  
  
“100% sure,” he mumbled. Nandor harrumphed.  
  
“Maybe leave it to the experts,” he said before ripping the bag open and taking a deep breath. It was followed by him silently staring at the bag with a confused expression for a long moment.  
  
“Well, it certainly smells virgin from here,” Laszlo broke the silence. “If you need any help with the exact type of virgin, I can…”  
  
“No!” Nandor interrupted him. His eyes were darting up from the bag towards Guillermo, who was staring back at him, face still flushed a bright red. Turning even redder when Nandor’s eyes slowly seemed to wander down his face and toward his throat.  
  
“Can we use it?” Nadja asked impatiently, breaking the tension that seemed to have spread in the room.  
  
“No!” Nandor snapped again, quickly folding the bag close again. “No,” he repeated. His eyes were still fixed on Guillermo who squirmed under the look. “This blood is … bad. Yes, it’s very bad.”  
  
“It smells fine to me,” Laszlo said. “It’s not!” Nandor said. “Guillermo has failed to bring us good virgin blood, he needs to bring us … different blood. We can’t … we’ll do the dish another day.”  
  
He stepped forward, grabbing Guillermo’s arm and pulled him towards the door. “And to make sure Guillermo doesn’t fail again, I’ll help him!” he yelled over his shoulder as he pushed Guillermo, who looked as if he wasn’t quite sure what exactly was happening but still came along willingly, outside of the room.  
  
The door snapped shut behind them leaving Laszlo, Nadja and the film crew staring at it in confusion.  
  
“Well,” Laszlo then said. “At least it wasn’t sardines again.”


	2. Bite The Cook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and Nandor trying to be nice.

There was smoke coming from the kitchen. Guillermo stared at it with trepidation, almost dropping the box of tissues he was carrying around.

Slowly he took a step towards it, mentally going through all the things that could have caught fire. There weren’t many. Nobody in the house except for him required actual food and it showed in the kitchen. The gas oven was older than he was, probably older even than Colin Robinson, and he made sure to turn it off after those few times a month he actually used it.

Maybe, it shot through his head, it was more vampire assassins. Broke in at dusk and decided to just burn it all down while everybody was asleep. And Guillermo, too busy sneezing and trying to remember some of his grandmother’s home remedy’s against flu, hadn’t noticed.

Almost automatically the hand not holding the tissues reached for his cross. It wasn’t there. Inwardly he cursed himself for not having taken off his pajama pants since Nandor banned him from all official familiar duties two days ago.

“This is just disgusting,” he had declared after Guillermo had sneezed on his cape several times. “An dangerous. It starts with sneezing and then all you humans suddenly die of the Black Death or something like that and blame us vampires for it.”

He could do it without the cross, Guillermo thought. There were enough things in the kitchen to kill several vampires with.

God, he really hoped he wouldn’t have to kill several vampires. He felt hot and slightly shaky and the only thing he wanted was to get hot water for more tea. At the moment his body consisted probably of 50% sickness and 50% mint tea. 

But there was Nandor to think of like always and Guillermo dropped the tissues as he ripped open the kitchen door.

He didn’t see anything through the smoke at first. Coughing he made he was deeper into the kitchen until he found the source. At least it’s not the oven, he thought before reaching for the kettle and dumping the leftover cold tea over the smoking plate.

“Guillermo, why would you do that! I was almost done!” a voice then said. He blinked through the smoke, unable to see where it was coming from.

“Master?” he asked because it had been Nandor’s voice. “I can’t see you, give me a moment.” With a few steps to the right he opened the kitchen windows, at last some of the dense smoke filling the room escaping.

What it left was the still slightly fuming plate and Nandor standing next to it.

“Great, you ruined it,” Nandor pouted.

“Ruined what, master?” Guillermo asked with a frown. Then his eyes focused on the wet plate. If he squinted it almost looked like there was something on it, burnt beyond recognition now. “Where you trying to cook something?” Guillermo asked surprised.

Nandor didn’t cook. Naturally because he didn’t eat but also, as he didn’t fail to remind Guillermo over and over, cooking was a servant’s job. And he was not a servant, he was Nandor the Relentless.

Nandor the Relentless who looked slightly abashed right now.

“I might have tried to make you some, what do you call this again, toast. I have read on the computing machine that this is a good meal for sick humans.” Guillermo stared at him. Then he stared at the pile of ash on the plate that might have at one point been toast.

“That is…” he began and then he stopped himself because there was no way Nandor would react well to being told that what he tried to do had been sweet. Even if it was.

“That’s very kind of you, master,” he said instead. Nandor’s expression changed, turning first into a soft smile than into his usual self-satisfied smirk.

“Obviously it is,” he said, voice pompous. “I am a kind master after all.” His eyes fell back on the burnt toast and he deflated a bit.

“A kind master who doesn’t want to take a familiar’s job away from him. So Guillermo, I am ordering you to make yourself some toast and to eat it.”

“I’ll get to it, master” Guillermo said. And then he quickly turned around so Nandor couldn’t see his own smile.


End file.
